As of the moment I’m reading “The Diary of Anne Frank”, it inspires me to update or to write my thoughts down once in a while or whenever I feel like it, since it’s really nice to preserve memories, even the ones that happened to hurt me. Through written memories… you’ll learn, you’ll be able relive the happy days, you’ll be able to see how much you’ve grown and change (and not to mention, to make fun of the petty times). But since I don’t have so much time lately I find it difficult to do such (I miss it, I miss being bored). However, tonight’s a different case, even with my lack of sleep and exhaustion from this week and today (and for the succeeding weeks), I need to vent out haha.
- Do you ever wonder why I keep on reiterating how happy I am (or was) this year? It’s because sometimes I still can’t believe that I’m feeling this again, that I found my way back and that I can see myself happy anywhere and with anyone or even alone. I’ve been deprived of this for a year or so, and this time I’ve been trying my best not to lose it and not to lose myself another time — it’s the hardest, it’s the most painful.
- I’m trying to take care of what I got back; myself and happiness. I’m still doing some trial and error on ways to keep both.
- I’m also keeping everything in balance.. I know that things can’t always be good but if there’s a way where I can make it better, I take that chance. I do what I can to make stressful and tiring days a little brighter, with the help of my friends, a book, a night-out, a good friend or perhaps at times give myself a break and go out of the norm.
- I just wish that some of my closest, loved and cherished friends knew me better, I wish they were able to see everything from the very start, I wish I can make them understand. But it’s just hard for me to put what’s in my head or my ideas into words or they’re always jumbled up.
- That’s just the way it is though, you’re the only one who knows yourself and what you’re going through, it’s only you who can really understand or explain.
- Miserable at best ♫
- Pain does make people change and it’s hard to go back to who you once were. Not so Disney anymore, you see?
- I’ve never expected that I’ll ever be this way about “relationships”, a year back or years back, I’ve always been an optimist about things like these, true love, boyfriend-girlfriend, forever (haha), I’ve been too optimistic and things got muddled.
- This time, I’m just realistic, I’m just thinking of the possibilities, the things that can happen, the things that can cause trouble, things that can make or break us, how can we work this out, I’m not sure if anyone can understand this.
- It’s impossible not to get hurt, that’s the harsh truth. Don’t tell me that you’ll never inflict pain, because one way or another we’re all capable of doing so. That’s why I can’t promise you this, I got to the point where I got tired of lies and words just being words.
- To understand what I’m saying here, I guess you need to be in my shoes for some time.
- Some of you may find this too dramatic and if you remind me again of the saying that “much more people have it worst” Yuuup.. I know, I know that everybody’s been going through a lot as well, but that saying doesn’t comfort me at all, because it’s not getting any easier for me either way.
- I wish people can see how hard it was for me to put my guard done once again and what I’m giving up for this again. I just wish people came to appreciate this, because this is something really important to me.
- Thanks, I’m at my best now!
- You know how people are too obsessed with mistakes, that the good things just tend to disappear in the instance of committing a mistake?
- TRUST COMES TOUGH .
- In another book I’ve read “Everything affects everything” - Jay Asher, Thirteen reasons why.
- Yes it does and it just did and I’m pretty sure that what you did just set it off. One single thing that you could’ve talked to me about first, a simple thing you and I could’ve fixed in a matter of minutes. But instead you chose to do the contrary, thanks it made things better for me and for us.
- What happened in a week and two days?
- Sorry if I’m this way, sorry if I’m too stressed today and I just needed a boost to get by the weekend of work waiting, sorry if I’m too careless about my things, sorry if I left that book, sorry if I’m very hard to understand, sorry if I’ve hurt anyone, sorry if I’m just this.
- I realized that I’m still not at my best but soon enough I’ll get there.
- I NEED A BREAK FROM EVERYTHING.
- Happy birthday, no judging.
I’m done, goodnight.