JUST 1/2
This post might sound too dramatic or cheesy.. so just skip it, if you’re not up for any! hahaha. As always, I just want to write/blog it down, and hey! it’s been a while since I last did this :) I don’t want to forget how engrossed I felt with life at 19 (barely a teen), during 2012 and at this time. Here I go again with my bullets!
• How quick is it that we’re half done with a year? — I am by far having a great time with 2012 and in countless ways it has been better, greater and lovelier than the previous year.
• Through the 6 months, I have felt being genuinely happy once again.. and with fingers crossed I hope it can stay this way for the whole year and for the years to come of course. Nothing’s better than finding happiness and finding your way back.
• Having idle moments made me realize a number of things.. like how much things have changed, the people I miss, my wishes, my future and how much I’ve grown in a lot of ways. I know I’ve changed for both the better and unfortunately the not-so-okay — To generalize the “better” change, it’s just because I’ve grown so much, from the way I think, speak, and the way I see things (physically din maybe hahaha), I just realized this when I was browsing through my old planners.. I’ve been through so much already both the good and the bad and still managed to keep everything intact, still being able to see the good in everything, still being optimistic and strong.
• The “not-so-okay” change in me however is that I think I’ve built a blockage in this certain area of life or in the tumblr dictionary: “I put my walls too high” — My beliefs in relationships have really (temporarily) changed and I don’t think it can alter anytime soon. I hate how I am this way, but at the same time I don’t want to do anything abou it.. because just the thought of being in “one” again increases the probability of going back through how felt last year and at some point of 2010. Picturing myself go through the same things and how I was just gives me a certain sting and a bit of ache (*deep breath*).
• I guess it’s my most used defense mechanism.. and I figured that I don’t really want to be in a relationship yet.. or anything close to that. I don’t want the feeling of someone considering me as their property or anyone owning me, because in that way they can hurt me anytime, they can leave me once they’re already fed up. Not ready to get hurt again hahaha (too emo?)
• Will anyone be able to change my passive take on relationships? Hmm.. It’s not a sure-yes, but it’s not also an absolute-no.
• So anyway.. This year marked the end of my #foreveralone mantra hahaha. Partly because I’ve finally adjusted to being single again and of course because of my friends (and sige na nga.. because of this person and that person hehe), they’ve made me feel special and important in ways I’ll always hold dear and appreciate. They are the best blessings in my 2012 and I really am thankful for this tighter bond in us during this year, lucky to have these people in my life.. To the new and old people in my life: I’ve never been happier and a great deal of that was because of you :)
● And oh! Another tick :) 17. A great summer, with the people I love most. It doesn’t need to be a grand one.. it’s always the little things :) - Happy enough for this summer, haven’t experienced a memorable summer in so long. This was yet one of the best! Adventure + New Experiences + Some good vibes + The favorite!
Half of the year has hastily gone by, too fast per se. But as they say, time flies when you’re having fun? I hope for consistent happiness for the other half! haha Byeeee!
